🚨 Attention, you marvelously deranged lot
Hello seekers of truth, connoisseurs of satire, and innocent bystanders who clicked on this by mistake—I have a rather important announcement.
You see, we live in an age where people hear no and immediately jump to your loved ones must die, where perfectly rational discussions devolve into a wildlife documentary on the predatory behavior of big cats, and where half the population thinks comedy is an example of white privilege.
And so, in my relentless pursuit of uncertainty (and the occasional boba tea), I am officially turning on payments. That’s right! You can now give me money—not because I need it to survive (although local eggs cost $17), but because supporting satire is the only thing standing between us and the total annihilation of the meaning of life.
Now, let’s address the elephant in the room. Will there be a paywall? No. I’m not interested in charging you to access the truth—that’s the government’s job.
Instead, this is a noble experiment to see whether those who claim to value free thought and intellectual rebellion will, in fact, put their money where their mouth is. Or at the very least, where my mouth is, which is busy crafting clever ways to make people question everything they hold dear.
💰 What do you get for supporting this ridiculous venture?
The satisfaction of knowing you’re funding one of the last remaining outposts of wit in a world that’s lost its heart and sense of humor.
The privilege of being an investor in the world’s most important industry—making fun of people who take themselves too seriously.
The prestige of helping craft the future where higher truth meets the chaos of our times.
If you’re still reading, then congrats—you are one of the rare breeds with both a sense of humor and an attention span.
And if you decide to support this noble cause, you’ll have my undying gratitude and a completely meaningless title of “Honorary Patron of Excellence.”
And if you choose not to pay? Well, I shall graciously accept your freeloading and continue entertaining you anyway, you absolute scoundrel.
Carry on.