Fake Rock Bottom™ (now with Soft Landing™)

Because I'm on a roll

Did you spend too long in Fake Hell™? Are you experiencing the mild inconvenience of reality not bending to your personal worldview? Is the natural consequence of bad ideas hitting you and you’re mistaking it for the end of civilization?

Welcome to Fake Rock Bottom™, where every uncomfortable truth is a national crisis, and every personal setback is proof that the country is beyond repair.

What’s included in your Fake Rock Bottom™ experience?

• A slightly uncomfortable political strategy convinces you that democracy is dead forever—despite it functioning exactly as designed.

• You vaguely remember hearing the word inflation once and now believe the US dollar will be worthless by Tuesday.

• Dramatically declare, "I’m moving to Canada!" but never actually research visas.

• Insist everything used to be perfect. Don’t worry, you don’t have to fact-check anything—your emotional reaction is enough evidence.

• Post 27 times in a row on Bluesky about how this time we’re definitely in the end times, then immediately refresh for validation.

Testimonials from previous guests

"I’m being silenced—which is why I’m saying this everywhere with zero consequences!"
—Sophia, Courageous Free Speech Martyr

"It’s over. The Republic is dead. I mean, I still have dinner reservations at that hip new spot, but emotionally, I’m dead."
—Jessica, History Scholar, TikTok University

Warning: Fake Rock Bottom™ does not include actual government oppression, loss of basic rights, or historical context. Any unplanned self-awareness must be reported immediately and will be refunded in the form of rage-clicks.

Feeling triggered? It’s going to be okay.