Lost & Profound: Department of Unclaimed Emotions

[Scene: A shabby waiting room with signs like “Emotional Luggage Must Be Declared” and “No Shame Past This Point.”

A man sits peacefully, sipping his tea.

Enter Kayla, hunched over under several enormous bags labeled “SHAME,” “INSECURITY,” and “DAD DIDN’T HUG ME ENOUGH.”]

KAYLA:
(eyeing the man suspiciously)
You there. Why do you look so unbothered?

MAN:
Oh. I gave my burdens to the wind this morning. Let them become compost or clouds or something nice.

KAYLA:
(immediately offended)
Well that’s terribly irresponsible. Aren’t you concerned about the state of the world? Or your ancestors? Or how I feel?

MAN:
Not particularly. I’ve found worrying doesn't really do much except make my back hurt.

KAYLA:
Well I can’t just drop mine—that would be selfish. I think it’s only fair you take some of mine. (rifles through a folder titled “Tactical Guilt Phrases”) Here. (hands him a bag labeled "You Think You’re Better Than Me")

MAN:
(smiling politely)
Sorry, I’m allergic to foreign emotional baggage. Breaks me out in inner peace.

KAYLA:
(stammering)
But—but if you don’t carry it, then I’ll have to handle it myself!

MAN:
Exactly.

(An agent enters, clipboard in hand.)

AGENT:
I’m afraid there’s been a change of policy. As of this morning, emotional baggage must be declared as either:

1. Composted into wisdom

2. Thrown into the ether like a whoosh-plop

3. Processed through a very public and awkward period of introspection

KAYLA:
But—I was this close to offloading my fear of abandonment onto him!

AGENT:
You may throw it into the ether.

KAYLA:
What happens then?

AGENT:
Uncertainty will metabolize it. Might turn it into poetry, a brave display of resilience, or a joke we can all laugh about later in hindsight.

KAYLA:
(wavering)
That sounds…vulnerable.

MAN:
It is. Like a banana that’s been left on the counter a bit too long—slightly brown, a little mushy around the edges, but still surprisingly sweet if you’re brave enough to peel it.

KAYLA:
(sighing)
Fine. Ether it is.

(She drops her bags into a glowing void. Wind whistles with a faint “ahhh” of relief.)

AGENT:
Congratulations. You are now eligible for spontaneous joy, emotional agility, and seeing people as they really are. Side effects may include a humble dose of true love.

MAN:
Cup of tea?

KAYLA:
Yes, please. With a splash of whatever that was.

MAN:
Wholeness. Goes well with biscuits.

[Fade out as they sip tea. Kayla stands a bit straighter. The room feels lighter.]