The effortless guide to popularity

Master the art of being adored by the masses

Welcome to the Kingdom of Curated Content

The Kingdom of Curated Content spans several influential provinces—Legacy Media, The Arts, Academia, Government Bureaucracy, and, of course, the ever-so-friendly Healing Spaces.

At the heart of this radiant Kingdom lies its dazzling capital Myself—a bustling metropolis with personalities ranging from the mildly eccentric to the clinically exhausting. Enjoy local specialties such as the Self-Diagnosis Shopping District, famed for its collection of designer victim narratives tailored in Hollywood for the shifting moods of the season. Or visit the Museum of Me, which features an ever-rotating exhibit of exaggerated traumas, selective memories, and the world’s largest collection of participation trophies.

Internationally renowned for its smug demeanor, citizens of the Kingdom of Curated Content proudly display high-functioning misery, broken marriages held together by the fragile threads of grandeur, and an ancient inability to listen. Its crown jewel, the TikTok University, is celebrated for its 12-second dissertations on the human psyche and a vast library of unverified opinions that stretches from here to the gates of sanity.

If you have always wanted to learn the local language, Narcisspeak, you’re not alone. Billions of people study the language every day around the globe. And who can blame them? Narcisspeak is simply not just a language—but a way of life. With a history as rich and profound as the ego itself, it traces its roots all the way back to the Tower of Babel.

Basic greetings and phrases

The best place to start when learning Narcisspeak is “hello.” There are many classic greetings to choose from, including:

• I’m dead (Hello)

• Ugh, I can’t (Good evening)

• I need to vent (Hi!)

You’ll also want to get familiar with the many ways to say goodbye:

• I’m setting a boundary with your energy. (I’m ghosting you.)

• This conversation isn’t serving me. (Your logic is ruining my performance and frankly, it’s rude.)

• You’re projecting. (You saw too much and now I must gaslight you.)

And of course, getting around town by navigating the moving signposts:

• This is toxic and shaming. People are allowed to express their truth without being mocked. (Your truth is threatening my illusion so I’m labeling it as harmful to avoid accountability)

• That’s your perspective. My truth is just as valid. (There is no truth. Only Me.)

• Real healers build people up, not tear them apart. (I can’t argue with the facts so I’ll claim the moral high ground to silence you into submission.)

• This sounds like it’s coming from your own unhealed trauma. Maybe look into that? (If I pathologize your discernment, I don’t have to listen to it.)

• You must be hurting a lot to say something so judgmental. Sending you love.
  (I refuse to consider your insight, but I’ll pretend I’m better than you by offering fake grace.)

Today, Narcisspeak is a language that takes you places, mainly to the nearest crowd of adoring fans with a teleprompter conveniently placed to tell them when to clap. In fact, it’s one of the fastest growing languages in the world, propelled by an unrelenting need for validation and an insatiable thirst for the limelight. So why not hop on the bandwagon—because who wouldn’t want to cheat their way to the top?