Welcome to Fake Hell™

The most exclusive inferno for the comfortably tormented

Are you tired of Fake Heaven™ but not quite ready for actual suffering? Do you crave the experience of hardship without all the icky consequences? Then Fake Hell™ is for you!

Fake Hell™ is the premium purgatory for people who want to feel like they’re in Hell without any real danger, despair, or, God forbid, character growth.

Here at Fake Hell™, we provide curated suffering experiences for those who want to doom-scroll but still enjoy $8 turmeric lattes. We specialize in trauma-lite, ensuring your struggles are always aesthetically pleasing and totally Instagrammable.

🔥 Amenities include:

• Being tormented by an ASMR voice that occasionally tells you, “I see your pain.”

• Experiencing mild discomfort without the pressure of doing anything about it.

• Channeling the pain of late-stage crony-capitalism when your WiFi is temporarily fast enough to load The New York Times but too slow for Netflix.

• Endless loops of people slightly mispronouncing your name so you can drop the race card.

• Blaming your parents for fully funding your college education because they failed to prepare you for the shocking reality that a degree comes with expectations.

Here’s what our poor souls had to say about us.

“Fake Hell™ helped me find my voice—mostly because screaming was the only way to get my artisanal matcha order corrected.”
—Chad, Aspiring Thought Leader

“I lost everything in Fake Hell™ except my trust fund, social capital, and ability to rebrand.”
—Felicity, Lifestyle Guru

Warning: Fake Hell™ is not responsible for any actual emotional growth, self-awareness, or resilience gained during your stay, even if you’re in your 30s+. Any unintended wisdom acquired is purely accidental and will be promptly refunded in the form of empty platitudes.